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Funny Quotes About Jokes
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177 Funny quotes tagged with Jokes.
QUOTES
Hi. Um, my camel called...he wants his toe back!
Unknown
59 Likes
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I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.
Phyllis Diller
37 Likes
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What's a pirate minus the ship? Just a creative homeless guy.
Bo Burnham
167 Likes
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A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.
Robert Frost
232 Likes
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A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.
Robert Frost
397 Likes
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Cos it's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'Aaaaaagghhh!!' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
Tommy Cooper
21 Likes
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So I went to the dentist. He said Say Aaah. I said Why? He said My dog's died.'
Tim Vine
18 Likes
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Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin.
Tim Vine
166 Likes
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So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said You've been promoted again.' And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I said 'I careered off the road.'
Tim Vine
53 Likes
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You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.
Tommy Cooper
44 Likes
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I had a dream last night, I was eating a ten pound marshmallow. I woke up this morning and the pillow was gone.
Tommy Cooper
72 Likes
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I slept like a log last night. I woke up in the fireplace.
Tommy Cooper
20 Likes
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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
WCFields
17 Likes
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How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
Spike Milligan
16 Likes
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My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
Eric Morecambe
44 Likes
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Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.
Emo Philips
23 Likes
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When the girlfriend and I get in an argument, I begin to believe in flying saucers...and plates, pots, mugs...
Robert Paul
43 Likes
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Wanna play a joke on your chiropractor? The next time he starts working on you, go limp and soil yourself.
Mike Wilmot
89 Likes
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Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
Mark Twain
50 Likes
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You should make a point of trying every experience once, excepting incest and folk-dancing.
Anonymous
17 Likes
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