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Funny Quotes About People
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42 Funny quotes tagged with People.
QUOTES
When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people are going to be very disappointed that they are not it.
Rick Sutter
88 Likes
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Stupidity is like art. Everyone can do it, but only the truly gifted are masters at it.
Nikhil Saluja
86 Likes
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People quotes
Dumb quotes
Sometimes there are no words to describe how we feel about some people. Thank God, He gave us the middle finger.
Unknown
549 Likes
Funny quotes
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I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot. That's why I'm constantly either rolling my eyes or yawning.
Jarod Kintz
126 Likes
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I haven't taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin.
Winston Spear
8 Likes
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Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabetsoup?
John Mendoza
6 Likes
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People quotes
Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait.
A Whitney Brown
12 Likes
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People quotes
Bombs quotes
If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me.
Bobcat Goldthwait
888 Likes
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People quotes
A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. 'You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have kill you too.
Jake Johansen
24 Likes
Funny quotes
People quotes
Relationships are hard. It's like a full-time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp.
Bob Ettinger
19 Likes
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People quotes
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A woman broke up with me and sent me pictures of her and her new boyfriend in bed together. Solution? I sent them to her dad.
Christopher Case
66 Likes
Funny quotes
People quotes
When you look at Prince Charles, don't you think that someone in the Royal family knew someone in the Royal family?
Robin Williams
33 Likes
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People quotes
What do people mean when they say the computer went down on me?
Marilyn Pittman
10 Likes
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People quotes
Every time a baseball player grabs his crotch, it makes him spit. That's why you should never date a baseball player.
Marsha Warfield
3 Likes
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People quotes
Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?
Lily Tomlin
25 Likes
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People quotes
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Heres something to think about: How come you never see a headline like Psychic Wins Lottery?
Jay Leno
8 Likes
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People quotes
The average Americans day planner has fewer holes in it than Ray Charless dart board.
Dennis Miller
8 Likes
Funny quotes
People quotes
If you tell the truth about how youre feeling, it becomes funny.
Larry David
42 Likes
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People quotes
Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.
Jerry Seinfeld
2 Likes
Funny quotes
People quotes
Theyre talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place thats used by ten or more people in a week, which, I guess, means that Madonna cant even smoke in bed.
Bill Maher
11 Likes
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People quotes
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