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Unknown Funny Facebook Status Quotes & Sayings

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I want to make a Facebook account and the name will be Nobody so when I see stupid crap people post, I can Like it. And it will say Nobody Likes This.	12792 up, 2378 down


Facebook is like jail, you sit around and waste time, write on walls, and get poked by people you don't know.	8221 up, 1615 down


The teacher asks Timmy "why is your cat at school today?" Timmy says, crying, "Because I heard my daddy say to my mommy, 'I'm going to eat that pussy when the kids leave.' so I'm saving him!"	7781 up, 1607 down


If you're talking behind my back, you're in a good position to kiss my ass!	5711 up, 1039 down


Drunk people run stop signs, high people wait for them to turn green.	4688 up, 957 down


Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it's wide use three fingers, make sure it's wet and rub up and down. Yep that's how you wash a cup.	5167 up, 1448 down


Wife: honey I want you to whisper dirty things in my ear! Husband: kitchen, living room, dinning room, patio	4242 up, 922 down


...condom says to the tampon, "You put me out of a job for 1 week a month!" The tampon replies, "When you don't do your job properly, I lose mine for 9 months!"	4061 up, 875 down


In the past, when you were angry with someone you fought them. Now you just delete them off Facebook. That'll teach 'em to fuck with you.	3294 up, 586 down


Wanna hear a joke about my penis? Never mind, it's too long.	2884 up, 889 down

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Featured Quote: "When I miss you, I don't have to go far...I just have to look inside my heart because that's where I'll find you."

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Friday, May 24

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