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A guy sitting with his girlfriend, drinking beer says, "I love you". Girl asks "Is it you or the beer talking?". Boy replies, "Its me. Talking to my beer."
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If people could read my mind, I'd get punched in the face a lot.
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I hate weddings. Old people would poke me saying You're next. They stopped when I started going up to them at funerals and poking them, saying, You're next.
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I wouldn't need Facebook if there was a website that just told me whether or not my exes got fat.
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Wanna come over to MySpace and Twitter my Yahoo till I Google all over your Facebook?
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Facebook is the only place where it's acceptable to talk to a wall.
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Why is there a show called When animals attack? It should be called When stupid people go near dangerous animals.
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Facebook is like a fridge. When you're bored you keep opening and closing it every few minutes to see if there's anything good in it.
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The greatest thing about Facebook, is that you can quote something and totally make up the source.
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If you friend request me on facebook and your profile picture is a car, I will assume you're a transformer.
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