Human beings are funny. They long to be with the person they love but refuse to admit openly. Some are afraid to show even the slightest sign of affection because of fear. Fear that their feelings may not be recognized, or even worst, returned. But one thing about human beings puzzles me the most is their conscious effort to be connected with the object of their affection even if it kills them slowly within. Every day seems the same to me. I sit around and think about how alone I feel, then I wind up rather enjoying loneliness because its the comfort of being sad. Sometimes it feels so right, and sometimes I'd like to be around no one for ten straight years. But I know this feeling cant bring me places, and I know I'm losing lots of ground, but to keep up means to get up. And why does it have to be the world keeps on changing while I just stay the same? I feel like being down doesnt mean enough to anyone anymore, and I guess the world has made emotion obsolete. And I dont think I feel the same cause after all, who says what happy really means? Ive been treated like sh.. by too many people, I have my guard up at all times, and Ive built walls because I'm afraid to ever get hurt again. I'm stubborn because if I'm not I get walked all over. I cry easy because I'm emotional and a wreck. I dont Make sense half the time because I have too many things run through my head at once. I'm not an easy person to understand. Dont you hate it when people make a joke about you, about something that you are actually incredibly insecure about and they dont realize it, but every laugh feels like a stab in your chest, because it hurts so much and brings up memories youd rather forget. But you cant say anything, because then people would know your weaknesses. Theyd know how insecure you really are. So instead you just laugh it off, and hide the pain you feel inside. Dont you hate it when people make a joke about you, about something that you are actually incredibly insecure about and they dont realize it, but every laugh feels like a stab in your chest, because it hurts so much and brings up memories youd rather forget. But you cant say anything, because then people would know your weaknesses. Theyd know how insecure you really are. So instead you just laugh it off, and hide the pain you feel inside. Its a cruel thing youll never know all the way I tried. Its a hard thing faking a smile when I feel like I'm falling apart inside. And now youre gone, its like an echo in my head, and I remember every word you said. And you never were, and you never will be mine. For the first time, theres no mercy in yours eyes. And the cold winds hitting my face, and youre gone, and youre just walking away¦ and I'm helpless.You dont know what goes on in anyones life but your own. & when you mess with one part of a persons life, youre not messing with just that part. Unfortunately, you cant be that precise & selective. When you mess with one part of a persons life, youre messing with their entire life. Everything¦ affects everything.i think when youre young, youre hoping that this person will be the right one, the one youre going to be in love with forever. but sometimes you want that so much you create something that isnt really there -Johnny DeppI do understand the impulse. the impulse to put your hand out and want someone to be there at the end of your reach. to want someone to be close to. to want to kiss or touch even if its wrong. the point is you cant control these feelings. even if theyre wrong, theyre still there. theyre always there.Whats the point in screaming? No ones listening anyway.Im young and I'm hopeless¦ I'm lost and I know this¦ I'm going nowhere fast¦ thats what they say¦ I'm troublesome, Ive fallen¦ I'm angry at my Father¦ its me against this world and I dont care.Shes not the kind of girl who likes to tell the world about the way she feels about herself.id it surprise you that I am not who you thought I was? Did it surprise you to find that I dont exactly stand for what you thought I stood for all along? Did it surprise you to find that I'm not exactly how I played myself out to be? That the person you thought I was is actually nothing to what I am.Everyone sees who I appear to be but only a few know the real me, you only see what I choose to show theres so much behind my smile you just dont know.I like having low self-esteem it makes me feel special.Take it from someone whos fallen¦ its a long way down.