Demetri Martin Quotes & Sayings

Below are more quotes by Demetri Martin.

If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.

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Demetri Martin quotes

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If you can't tell a spoon from a ladle, then you're fat!

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The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

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If I have to move up in a building, I choose the elevator over the escalator. Because one time I was riding the escalator and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half.

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Demetri Martin quotes

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My plumbing is all screwed up. Because it turns out, I do not own a garbage disposal.

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Demetri Martin quotes

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Quotes by Demetri Martin

Featured Quote: "A strong friendship doesn't need daily conversation, doesn't always need togetherness, as long as the relationship lives in the heart, true friends will never part..."

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New Updates! (5/19/2013) We've been working really hard on completing our new design and adding more member features. Once this is complete in the coming weeks there will be a lot more quotes by Demetri Martin and other authors. We've also changed the sorting on the site so you now see the latest Demetri Martin quotes first. Our goal is to have the best Demetri Martin quotes on the web!