Steven Wright Quotes & Sayings

Below are more quotes by Steven Wright.

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?

When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my girlfriend's Dad. He said, 'I want my daughter back by 8:15.' I said, 'The middle of August? Cool!'

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Steven Wright quotes

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When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you sleep good?" I said "No, I made a few mistakes."

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Steven Wright quotes

Funny quotes Morning quotes

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The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

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Steven Wright quotes

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Steven Wright quotes

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Quotes by Steven Wright

Featured Quote: "Its funny how sometimes the people you'd take a bullet for, are the ones behind the trigger."

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New Updates! (5/24/2013) We've been working really hard on completing our new design and adding more member features. Once this is complete in the coming weeks there will be a lot more quotes by Steven Wright and other authors. We've also changed the sorting on the site so you now see the latest Steven Wright quotes first. Our goal is to have the best Steven Wright quotes on the web!