Emo Philips Quotes & Sayings

Below are more quotes by Emo Philips.

I love to go to the playground and watch the children jumping up and down. They don't know I'm firing blanks.

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I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

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When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

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You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.

New York's such a wonderful city. Although I was at the library today. The guys are very rude. I said, "I'd like a card." He says, "You have to prove you're a citizen of New York." So I stabbed him.

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Quotes by Emo Philips

Featured Quote: "A strong friendship doesn't need daily conversation, doesn't always need togetherness, as long as the relationship lives in the heart, true friends will never part..."

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New Updates! (5/23/2013) We've been working really hard on completing our new design and adding more member features. Once this is complete in the coming weeks there will be a lot more quotes by Emo Philips and other authors. We've also changed the sorting on the site so you now see the latest Emo Philips quotes first. Our goal is to have the best Emo Philips quotes on the web!