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I wish I could google "things to eat in my fridge" so I wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed.
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I wonder if fat drug dealers sell diet coke.
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If you're talking behind my back, you're in a good position to kiss my ass!
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You know how they say when you die, your whole life flashes before you? Well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
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Wanna hear a joke about my penis? Never mind, it's too long.
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May the itch of a thousand crabs affect the one who ruins your day and may their arms be too short to scratch.
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I speak my mind. I never mind what I speak.
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The awkward moment when wikipedia has copied your homework.
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Decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire.
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A man asks a trainer in the gym: "I want 2 impress that beautiful girl , which machine can I use?" Trainer replies: "Use the ATM"
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