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Ive been on a cruise ship thats crashed. The captain comes on, 'I want you to know that the ship is taking on a little water.' You mean were sinking. A guy bringing on a case of Evian, thats taking on a little water.
John Pinette
8 Likes




8 Comments
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Gotta love whitewater rafting. Ten of us are going. Eight will come back. Dont forget to wear your toe tag. Sometimes the bodies dont float down the river for a week or so.

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I dont do up. Sit-ups. Push-ups. Pull-ups. I do downs. Sit down. Lay down. Blackjack, Ill double down. Give me a cheeseburger, Ill wolf it down. Put on a little music, Ill boogie down.

John Pinette

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I tried the low-carb bread. Have you tried it? It's horrible. I tasted it. I thought the wrapper was still on. It's not like it went bad, it never went good. They have 'I Can't Believe It's Not Butter,' they should call it, 'This Ain't Bread.' 'Cause it looks like bread, but it has no other properties of bread. I said, 'You know what? I'll butter it. That'll make it better.' Butter won't go on it. It slides right off. The butter's like, 'Where are you putting me?' Jam and jelly beads up and fall off it. Did they Scotch-guard this at the factory? You know what I'll do? It's okay, I'll toast it. I'll make a sandwich, I'll toast it. It's better when you toast it. It doesn't toast. You can't toast it. I'm out in the garage with a blow torch. It's absorbing the heat like a space shuttle tile.

John Pinette

16 Likes
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