Jack Handey Quotes & Sayings

Below are more quotes by Jack Handey.

I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.

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Jack Handey quotes

Life quotes Short quotes

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Love is not something that you can put chains on and throw into a lake. That's called Houdini. Love is liking someone a lot.

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

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Jack Handey quotes

Funny quotes Happy quotes Christian quotes Humor quotes

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If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."

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Jack Handey quotes

Funny quotes Happy quotes

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If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.

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Jack Handey quotes

Better Off Dead quotes

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Jack Handey quotes

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Quotes by Jack Handey

Featured Quote: "When I miss you, I don't have to go far...I just have to look inside my heart because that's where I'll find you."

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New Updates! (6/19/2013) We've been working really hard on completing our new design and adding more member features. Once this is complete in the coming weeks there will be a lot more quotes by Jack Handey and other authors. We've also changed the sorting on the site so you now see the latest Jack Handey quotes first. Our goal is to have the best Jack Handey quotes on the web!