Mitch Hedberg quotes
Onions make me sad, a lot of people don't realize that. When I'm cutting onions, I'm sad. Because the plight of onions, it's sad. But people don't realize I'm actually crying - they think I'm just reacting.

 Mitch Hedberg quotes 
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Suggest Revision: Onions make me sad, a lot of people don't realize that. When I'm cutting onions, I'm sad. Because the plight of onions, it's sad. But people don't realize I'm actually crying - they think I'm just reacting.
 

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Mitch Hedberg Quotes & Sayings

Below are more quotes by Mitch Hedberg.
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Suggest Revision: My sister wanted to be an actress. She never made it, but she does live in a trailer... so she got halfway. She's an actress, she's just never called to the set.
 
 Mitch Hedberg quotes 
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Suggest Revision: I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.
 
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Suggest Revision: I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
 
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Suggest Revision: 2-in-1 is a bullshit term, because 1 is not big enough to hold 2. That's why 2 was created.
 
 Mitch Hedberg quotes 
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Suggest Revision: I want to get a job as someone who names kitchen appliances. Toaster, refrigerator, blender.... all you do is say what the shit does, and add
 
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