Jack Handey quotes
When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear.

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Suggest Revision: When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear.
 

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Jack Handey Quotes & Sayings

Below are more quotes by Jack Handey.
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Suggest Revision: I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.
 
 Jack Handey quotes 
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Suggest Revision: Love is not something that you can put chains on and throw into a lake. That's called Houdini. Love is liking someone a lot.
 
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Suggest Revision: It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
 
 Jack Handey quotes 
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Suggest Revision: If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is
 
 Jack Handey quotes 
 Better Off Dead quotes 
Suggest Revision: If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.
 
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