Emo Philips Quotes & Sayings

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Total: 57 Quotes
 Emo Philips quotes 
 Funny quotes   Happy quotes 
Suggest Revision: I love to go to the playground and watch the children jumping up and down. They don't know I'm firing blanks.
 
 Emo Philips quotes 
 Funny quotes   Positive quotes 
Suggest Revision: I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
 
 Emo Philips quotes 
 Funny quotes   Religious quotes 
Suggest Revision: When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
 
 Emo Philips quotes 
 Schools quotes 
Suggest Revision: You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
 
 Emo Philips quotes 
 Funny quotes 
Suggest Revision: New York's such a wonderful city. Although I was at the library today. The guys are very rude. I said,
 
 Emo Philips quotes 
 Time quotes   Murder quotes 
Suggest Revision: Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil.
 
 Emo Philips quotes 
 Luck quotes 
Suggest Revision: I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.
 
 Emo Philips quotes 
 Funny quotes   Forgivenes quotes 
Suggest Revision: When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
 
 Emo Philips quotes 
 Crime quotes 
Suggest Revision: People always ask me,
 
 Emo Philips quotes 
 Computers quotes 
Suggest Revision: A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
 
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Quotes by Emo Philips
quotes by Emo Philips
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