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George Carlin Quotes & Sayings
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118 entries tagged including 75 subtopics.
Last updated Apr 2024
George Carlin Topics
God
Driving
Moon
Addiction
Advertising
Animals
Children
Death And Dying
Possibility
Authority
Baseball
Humor
Euphemism
Christian
Alcohol
Libraries
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Death
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Controversy
Drugs
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QUOTES
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
George Carlin
6 Likes
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Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
George Carlin
8 Likes
Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.
George Carlin
3 Likes
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
George Carlin
4 Likes
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
George Carlin
3 Likes
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Always do whatever's next.
George Carlin
2 Likes
Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticide grain, For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the asphalt plain. America, America, man sheds his waste on thee, And hides the pines with billboard signs, from sea to oily sea.
George Carlin
10 Likes
I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
George Carlin
14 Likes
Nations quotes
Separation quotes
Church quotes
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
George Carlin
3 Likes
Humanity quotes
Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them are even stupider!
George Carlin
10 Likes
Humanity quotes
Sponsored Links
Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who would be willing to test any drug they could come up with
George Carlin
27 Likes
Drugs quotes
Funny quotes
Controversy quotes
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
George Carlin
2 Likes
Belief quotes
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
George Carlin
6 Likes
Death quotes
I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
George Carlin
3 Likes
Death quotes
Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
George Carlin
16 Likes
Death quotes
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What are you going to do, play with your prick for another 20 to 30 years,>Read People Magazine your whole life...? Take a freakin' chance!
George Carlin
14 Likes
Life quotes
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good Amercian because I like to form my own opionions.
George Carlin
11 Likes
Thinking quotes
Independence quotes
Free Thinking quotes
People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think
George Carlin
12 Likes
Thinking quotes
Desperation quotes
Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony with that big hammer slams it on the head of the person who lost the most money that day.
George Carlin
6 Likes
Money quotes
Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
George Carlin
20 Likes
Money quotes
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