Jack Handey Quotes & Sayings

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Total: 22 Quotes
 Jack Handey quotes 
 Life quotes   Short quotes 
Suggest Revision: I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.
 
 Jack Handey quotes 
 Weird Love quotes 
Suggest Revision: Love is not something that you can put chains on and throw into a lake. That's called Houdini. Love is liking someone a lot.
 
 Jack Handey quotes 
 Funny quotes   Happy quotes   Christian quotes   Humor quotes 
Suggest Revision: It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
 
 Jack Handey quotes 
 Funny quotes   Happy quotes 
Suggest Revision: If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is
 
 Jack Handey quotes 
 Better Off Dead quotes 
Suggest Revision: If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.
 
 Jack Handey quotes 
 Better Off Dead quotes 
Suggest Revision: Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you.
 
 Jack Handey quotes 
 Better Off Dead quotes 
Suggest Revision: If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.
 
 Jack Handey quotes 
 Better Off Dead quotes 
Suggest Revision: Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you.
 
 Jack Handey quotes 
 Better Off Dead quotes 
Suggest Revision: If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I bet that will really throw you into a panic.
 
 Jack Handey quotes 
 Life Lesson quotes 
Suggest Revision: I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.
 
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Quotes by Jack Handey
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