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Jerry Seinfeld Quotes & Sayings
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53 entries tagged including 32 subtopics.
Last updated Mar 2024
Jerry Seinfeld Topics
Friends
Fear
Life
Journey
Wedding
Humor
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Single
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Fun Christmas
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QUOTES
Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.
Jerry Seinfeld
21 Likes
Life quotes
Journey quotes
Reason quotes
Purpose quotes
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I was the best man at the wedding. If I'm the best man, why is she marrying him?
Jerry Seinfeld
94 Likes
Funny quotes
Wedding quotes
Humor quotes
Dogs have no money. Isn't that amazing? They're broke their entire lives. But they get through. You know why dogs have no money? No pockets.
Jerry Seinfeld
7 Likes
Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.
Jerry Seinfeld
3 Likes
My wife is funny. And I dabble in it. So being funny is big around our house. But what's surprised me is my daughter can do an English accent. I don't know how she learned this.
Jerry Seinfeld
6 Likes
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Cry when you get a Golden Globe. Then you can get an Oscar nomination.
Jerry Seinfeld
1 Likes
I have a nice bookshelf in my office, but not my house. I'm crass, but not that crass.
Jerry Seinfeld
6 Likes
Did you ever notice how they have commercials on TV with detergents that get out blood stains. If you have blood all over your shirt, I don't think laundry is your biggest problem.
Jerry Seinfeld
4 Likes
I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
Jerry Seinfeld
6 Likes
I do not know why anyone would host an awards show. No matter how unbelievably well you do at it, the only thing that can happen is you get asked again to host an awards show.
Jerry Seinfeld
5 Likes
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I'd like to do one of those jumps they do in the movies; in a car, over a bridge, in the air with a huge explosion. It would be a final moment of entertainment.
Jerry Seinfeld
5 Likes
There's no downside to fame and people who whine about it make me sick. It's the greatest thing in the world.
Jerry Seinfeld
5 Likes
I miss being on the stage with the gang, you know, and we would make up stuff sometimes and laugh and I miss writing with Larry. And there was a,we had a great feeling together. We really all thought we were, you know, we enjoyed each other's humor.
Jerry Seinfeld
2 Likes
I went up to the camp and Paul had me eat my first oyster I had never had an oyster in my life. And he convinced me to eat one. And it was horrible and it was exciting. And I thought, this will be gross and I'll have a story: I had my first oyster with Paul Newman.
Jerry Seinfeld
2 Likes
I just knew it was time to leave that thing where it was. Even though I still occasionally think about it, I still think I did it the right way. It was the correct type of ending. By which I mean it came a little sooner than people were expecting...was such a wonderful experience for me. It wasn't even the thing I thought I was going to have a talent for. I just fell in with the perfect group of people and everything about it was sort of miraculous.
Jerry Seinfeld
1 Likes
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I know there are kids out there, I want to make sure they all know that driving without braking is not something I recommend, unless you have professional clown training or a comedy background, as I do. It is not something I plan to make a habit.
Jerry Seinfeld
2 Likes
Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge.
Jerry Seinfeld
7 Likes
Pets quotes
There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, "I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked."
Jerry Seinfeld
19 Likes
Funny quotes
Single quotes
Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.
Jerry Seinfeld
2 Likes
Funny quotes
People quotes
That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me
Jerry Seinfeld
16 Likes
Christmas quotes
Spirit quotes
Cute Christmas quotes
Fun Christmas quotes
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