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Jimmy Kimmel Quotes & Sayings
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31 entries tagged including 4 subtopics.
Last updated Apr 2024
Jimmy Kimmel Topics
Jokes
Keeping It Real
Facebook
QUOTES
Every once in a while guys, take time out to look in the mirror and say 'Hey you. Thanks for all the hand-jobs.'
Jimmy Kimmel
25 Likes
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Zombies are the new Betty White.
Jimmy Kimmel
3 Likes
The people who host the red carpet preview shows don't know it, but they died and are in hell.
Jimmy Kimmel
0 Likes
Its OK to use the bathroom at my house as long as you buy something.
Jimmy Kimmel
3 Likes
Rainbows are God's way of telling us that he likes to jazz things up sometimes.
Jimmy Kimmel
5 Likes
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I wish Vine had Tivo. Who can sit through all that?
Jimmy Kimmel
0 Likes
It's important not to forget today that mothers can also be annoying.
Jimmy Kimmel
1 Likes
If you don't have a crazy facebook friend, you are the crazy facebook friend.
Jimmy Kimmel
91 Likes
Facebook quotes
Keeping It Real quotes
How is it possible that no one has invented a puppy that stays a puppy?
Jimmy Kimmel
6 Likes
I get product placement and everything, but I'm sorry, Superman's father was NOT named Purell.
Jimmy Kimmel
3 Likes
Sponsored Links
The president jumped on a plane to start a five-week vacation. This will be the longest presidential vacation in 36 years. This means President Bush has now been on vacation for 27% of his presidency. That means the country could be 27% more screwed up than it already is.
Jimmy Kimmel
1 Likes
Hurricane Katrina has been particularly hard on President Bush, who was forced to end his vacation two days early. He was supposed to be clearing brush in Texas until Friday. Now he's going to get back to the White House tomorrow. You know, if he doesn't use his vacation days, he loses them, so this is hard on everybody.
Jimmy Kimmel
3 Likes
When I was emceeing Win Ben Stein's Money, I actually fell asleep during the show a few times. I would sit on the safe over to the side and just sort of doze off. But that was probably a combination of the narcolepsy and Ben's voice.
Jimmy Kimmel
3 Likes
I don't know if we can call ourselves everyday Joes. I think Supermen is more appropriate. We're just trying to take back the medium we invented!
Jimmy Kimmel
0 Likes
The TSA downgraded the threat level for flights between the U.S. and England from severe to high. So if you're nervous about taking a trip to London, there's no longer a severe chance of exploding, just a high one now.
Jimmy Kimmel
0 Likes
Sponsored Links
Did you have trouble at the airport this week? I had to throw away all my make-up. They said it's because of this terrorist plot they foiled over in England. I believe it's an elaborate ruse perpetrated by the big cosmetics industry. Maybe it's not terrorism. Maybe it's Maybelline.
Jimmy Kimmel
1 Likes
It's funny how all of this has worked out, I wasn't popular in high school, but now every drunken guy in the United States wants to be my pal. They all want to buy me a shot, and pretty soon I'm throwing up.
Jimmy Kimmel
1 Likes
I don't want to ruin it for you, but at the end, Voldemort kills Harry with a fairly vivious atomic wedgie.
Jimmy Kimmel
0 Likes
Congratulations to Charlie Sheen, who's marrying his longtime girlfriend. I have to say...Charlie Sheen has a longtime girlfriend?
Jimmy Kimmel
7 Likes
Jokes quotes
If I could have one super power, it would be the ability to read.
Jimmy Kimmel
3 Likes
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