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Joan Rivers Quotes & Sayings
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72 entries tagged including 35 subtopics.
Last updated Mar 2024
Joan Rivers Topics
Funny
Ageing
Love
Humorous Christmas
Funny Christmas Card
Christmas
Religious
Twins
The Present
God
Gifts
Smile
Exercise
Birth Control
Being A Woman
Valentines Day
Housework
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Women
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Oil
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Dieting
Television
Anger
Thinking
Optimism
Advice
Food
Hilarious
QUOTES
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
Joan Rivers
0 Likes
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I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.
Joan Rivers
4 Likes
I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, Get the hell off my property.
Joan Rivers
8 Likes
I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
Joan Rivers
1 Likes
I have no methods; all I do is accept people as they are.
Joan Rivers
0 Likes
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I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
Joan Rivers
2 Likes
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
Joan Rivers
7 Likes
Housework quotes
I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.
Joan Rivers
2 Likes
Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be.
Joan Rivers
1 Likes
Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.
Joan Rivers
2 Likes
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Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'.
Joan Rivers
2 Likes
Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you.
Joan Rivers
0 Likes
Dieting quotes
Boy George is all England needs - another queen who can't dress.
Joan Rivers
1 Likes
Is she fat? Her favorite food is seconds
Joan Rivers
0 Likes
Food quotes
Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.
Joan Rivers
3 Likes
Food quotes
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Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.
Joan Rivers
3 Likes
Advice quotes
I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can't make it through one door, I'll go through another door - or I'll make a door. Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
Joan Rivers
4 Likes
Optimism quotes
Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.
Joan Rivers
14 Likes
Sex quotes
He who limps is still walking.
Joan Rivers
3 Likes
Thinking quotes
Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience directly - hurt, bitterness, grief, and, most of all, fear
Joan Rivers
18 Likes
Anger quotes
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