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Paula Poundstone Quotes & Sayings
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31 entries tagged including 9 subtopics.
Last updated Mar 2024
Paula Poundstone Topics
Funny
Religion
Adulthood
Children
Ideas
Animals
Sin
Funny Gay
QUOTES
I love key lime pie, although it's never made the proper way.
Paula Poundstone
4 Likes
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I love talking to the audience, and I must be the luckiest performer in the world. I always land something or somebody that just takes off.
Paula Poundstone
0 Likes
I used to watch 'The Waltons' and sob because my family was nothing like that. We had a cruel sense of humor in my family.
Paula Poundstone
0 Likes
I'm thankful for Sarah Palin's vice presidential bid, which taught us that Alaska is not in a box off the coast of California.
Paula Poundstone
1 Likes
I can make things, but I don't cook them, exactly. Like salmon, I can stick that in a pan. Or the other day I made noodles, but they were hard. It never occurred to me to check them; I just stopped cooking them when I felt they were ready. Really, I'm too absentminded.
Paula Poundstone
1 Likes
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I have a horrible memory and I used to consider that a liability, but I've learned along the way that talking to people is really a beautiful thing.
Paula Poundstone
0 Likes
I mean, I do love clever and witty, but I think that the 'Three Stooges' were geniuses. They'd have to be for their appeal to have lasted this long.
Paula Poundstone
4 Likes
I'm really more prolific than most stand-ups. My act changes. I do fold in new experiences, new observations, whatever you want to call it.
Paula Poundstone
0 Likes
I'm thankful for the three ounce Ziploc bag, so that I have somewhere to put my savings.
Paula Poundstone
0 Likes
There are really only so many foods and so many ways you can prepare them.
Paula Poundstone
0 Likes
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When we live up to our Constitution, let's form a Conga line around the Capitol and bungee jump off the dome.
Paula Poundstone
0 Likes
I'm thankful that my memory is good because my vision is going.
Paula Poundstone
0 Likes
President Obama could keep a big map with push pins on it to keep track of how many countries hate us, and when we get down to only half, let's have a ball. I'll blow up the balloons myself.
Paula Poundstone
2 Likes
When we save the rain forest, the polar bear, and Al Gore, we should party so hard that Canada calls the cops on us for noise.
Paula Poundstone
12 Likes
My act is sort of improvisational. I have a skeleton in my head, but no fat or skin on it.
Paula Poundstone
0 Likes
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When every high school graduate can spell the word, 'inauguration,' let's put lampshades on our heads and listen to his speeches until Obama's voice gives out.
Paula Poundstone
1 Likes
Once I was gone for a month and I was just miserable, so I flew back from Florida for two hours just to be home and see my cats.
Paula Poundstone
4 Likes
When I sat down to write I just felt like a geek writing about myself. And then it dawned on me, just because of the way I am, I can't stop talking, and part of the problem is that anything that gets said reminds me of something that happened to me one time, and invariably I cut people off and talk about myself.
Paula Poundstone
2 Likes
Gay Republicans, how exactly does that work? 'We disapprove of our own lifestyle. We beat ourselves up in parking lots.'
Paula Poundstone
30 Likes
Funny Gay quotes
The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling.
Paula Poundstone
1 Likes
Sin quotes
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