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Stephen Colbert Quotes & Sayings
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34 entries tagged including 18 subtopics.
Last updated Apr 2024
Stephen Colbert Topics
Truth
Iraq
Weather
Statistics
Reality
News
Funny
Humor
Government
Belief
Comedy
Heart
Press
Decision
Facts
Books
Welfare
QUOTES
God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.
Stephen Colbert
68 Likes
Funny quotes
Welfare quotes
Sponsored Links
I know there are some polls out there saying this man has a 32% approval rating. But guys like us, we don't pay attention to the polls. We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in "reality." And reality has a well-known liberal bias.
Stephen Colbert
12 Likes
Reality quotes
Statistics quotes
Even the weather page is in a state of moral decay. Whats wrong with red, white and blue, USA Today? This rainbow weather map is just another example of the homometerological agenda.
Stephen Colbert
94 Likes
Weather quotes
I know there are some polls out there saying this man has a 32% approval rating. But guys like us, we don't pay attention to the polls. We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in "reality." And reality has a well-known liberal bias.
Stephen Colbert
7 Likes
Reality quotes
Statistics quotes
Here's how it works: the president makes decisions. He's the decider. The press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down. Make, announce, type. Just put 'em through a spell check and go home.
Stephen Colbert
2 Likes
Decision quotes
Press quotes
Sponsored Links
Fake news executives are nicer than real news executives, though real news executives are funnier than fake news executives. They dont know theyre being funny.
Stephen Colbert
491 Likes
Funny quotes
News quotes
As God said to Job, Checkmate
Stephen Colbert
1 Likes
Humor quotes
I can't prove it, but I can say it.
Stephen Colbert
5 Likes
Humor quotes
Now we all know that Fidel Castro dressed up like Marilyn Monroe and gave JFK a case of syphilis so bad it eventually blew out the back of his head.
Stephen Colbert
5 Likes
Humor quotes
I don't trust books. They're all fact and no heart.
Stephen Colbert
3 Likes
Books quotes
Facts quotes
Heart quotes
Sponsored Links
I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and by these standards we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.
Stephen Colbert
2 Likes
Government quotes
Iraq quotes
When the president decides something on Monday, he still believes it on Wednesday - no matter what happened Tuesday.
Stephen Colbert
3 Likes
George W Bush quotes
I'm not a fan of facts. You see, facts can change, but my opinion will never change, no matter what the facts are.
Stephen Colbert
8 Likes
Facts quotes
I don't trust books. They're all fact and no heart.
Stephen Colbert
1 Likes
Books quotes
Facts quotes
Heart quotes
People are constantly saying, 'How's it feel to have such an impact?' I just want to be funny. I'm a comedian, not a political thinker. We're changing the world one factual error at a time.
Stephen Colbert
2 Likes
Facts quotes
Comedy quotes
Sponsored Links
Here's how it works: the president makes decisions. He's the decider. The press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down. Make, announce, type. Just put 'em through a spell check and go home.
Stephen Colbert
0 Likes
Decision quotes
Press quotes
People are constantly saying, 'How's it feel to have such an impact?' I just want to be funny. I'm a comedian, not a political thinker. We're changing the world one factual error at a time.
Stephen Colbert
4 Likes
Comedy quotes
I don't trust books. They're all fact and no heart.
Stephen Colbert
6 Likes
Books quotes
Facts quotes
Heart quotes
You shouldn't listen to us at all if you're looking for information. We don't take ourselves seriously on any level; we're just comedians.
Stephen Colbert
1 Likes
Truthiness is tearing apart our country, and I don't mean the argument over who came up with the word. I don't know whether it's a new thing, but it's certainly a current thing, in that it doesn't seem to matter what facts are. It used to be, everyone was entitled to their own opinion, but not their own facts. But that's not the case anymore. Facts matter not at all. Perception is everything.
Stephen Colbert
9 Likes
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