Deadbeats Dad Quotes

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Suggest Revision: Hayley: Oh my God. Dad, why is Hilary Duff in our house? Stan: Hilary is here of her own free will because she wants to have dinner with Steve. Steve: Hilary, could you pass the salt? Stan: (Holding gun to her head) Pass him the salt.
 
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Suggest Revision: Hayley: It's just toast, Dad. Stan: This time it was toast, Hayley. This time.
 
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Suggest Revision: Steve: I can't believe you muscled out your own son. You stink, dad. Stan: Oh, come on, what's more important, your hopes and dreams, or me making more than your mother?!
 
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Suggest Revision: Hayley: Dad, you're a weapons expert! When was the last time you fought someone hand-to-hand? Stan: Don't worry, Hayley. It's just like beating up a bicycle.
 
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Suggest Revision: God, please watch over the soul of this dead dog and carry him up to heaven... because he sure as hell can't walk... he's dead. Amen. -Stan
 
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Suggest Revision: Stan: Hilary, look out for the mines! (Explosion) What did I just say? You heard me. What did I just say? Steve: You said,
 
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Suggest Revision: Steve: This is it. I have absolute power. (Over intercom) Doris, could you please send in our high school mascot? (Man dressed in a buffalo costume comes in) Welcome, buffalo. As you must've heard, I have been elected student body President. As such, I can do anything I want... and I want to ride the buffalo! (Steve jumps on mascot's back) Woo hoo hoo!! Buffalo: MOOOO!!!! (Destroys everything in the office) Steve: Yes, yes! I'm riding the buffalo! (Buffalo falls, Steve gets off, Doris comes in) Now, send in the lunch lady.
 
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Suggest Revision: Principal Lewis: Smith! What's the meaning of this?! Steve: Principal Lewis, I am taking your office. Pursuant to Pearl Bailey High Statuete 39-F, quote,
 
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Suggest Revision: By the way, Haley, oh my God, these Chocodiles, these Chocodiles Haley, oh my God, these Chocodiles, oh my God! -Roger
 
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Suggest Revision: Hayley: (To Stan) You know, Steve's dog would still be alive if you right-wing lunatics would agree to gun control. Stan: You know what I have to say to that? (Pause) Ah, I thought I was gonna fart.
 
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