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Everything Has An Expiration Date Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Everything Has An Expiration Date" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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"You ever walk behind someone walking so slow slow you have to hold yourself back from stabbing them? '...You better move it along, huh. My walker has wheels for a reason." You ever walk next to that stranger who wants to walk the same speed as you? '...Get the fu.. away from me... what are we--on a date here? I don't even know you.' Sometimes I find myself being a weirdo... you ever been walking next to some stranger and for no reason at all you decide that if you beat them to the corner, you'll be a millionaire? They're like, 'whatever'. HAHA! I get to press the walk button for you! ... You think those walk buttons do anything? I think some guy at the government was like, 'What can we give the morons to press? How bout a button!?' You always press 'em, you're like, '...maybe I didn't press it hard enough...' Then someone will come up and be like, 'Did you press it?' --'Yeah, I pressed it.' They're like, 'Why don't you press it again?'--'You're like, 'Yeah I'll press it again.' Then a
Jim Gaffigan
40 Likes
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"You ever walk behind someone walking so slow slow you have to hold yourself back from stabbing them? '...You better move it along, huh. My walker has wheels for a reason." You ever walk next to that stranger who wants to walk the same speed as you? '...Get the fu.. away from me... what are we--on a date here? I don't even know you.' Sometimes I find myself being a weirdo... you ever been walking next to some stranger and for no reason at all you decide that if you beat them to the corner, you'll be a millionaire? They're like, 'whatever'. HAHA! I get to press the walk button for you! ... You think those walk buttons do anything? I think some guy at the government was like, 'What can we give the morons to press? How bout a button!?' You always press 'em, you're like, '...maybe I didn't press it hard enough...' Then someone will come up and be like, 'Did you press it?' --'Yeah, I pressed it.' They're like, 'Why don't you press it again?'--'You're like, 'Yeah I'll press it again.' Then a
Jim Gaffigan
62 Likes
Comedy quotes
Humor quotes
single life is warm breeze you can do your own thing, go as you please, date whoever, make no committed too yourself as you please, you don't have worry about get used, cheat on, lie on, no stress on your mind, no tears on your face falling down, no arrow destroy your heart, happyniess can restore your pain, you can work on yourself and goals. Downfall of being single; not having someone holding you at night when your days and good days, support you in your dreams, your job, understanding, tell you when you are wrong and congrats you when you right, communicate with you, uplift your spirits when you are out place, having someone love for who you are, and you do the same for them, be your backbone when you need it, someone make you happy and smile, compromise things as couple, you cry they comfort you, give you advice, hugs, give you compliments, protection, maybe stay faithful too you.
Unknown
124 Likes
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When I left the room he said to Ben Stiller, 'There goes the future Mrs. Apatow.' I guess he had some kind of plan worked out. He asked me out on a date, and I thought it was just a drink with a friend. But I remember looking at him and thinking, 'This is the type of guy I should be with, not those jerk-off guys who don't treat me right.' So I guess his little plan worked, and it's all history. Before meeting Judd, I was always into the scruffy guys, those dudes who work at the newspaper stand and smoke all day, guys who were no good and treated me badly. Then when I got the job on The Cable Guy, it was a real shock because I was suddenly surrounded by all these incredibly funny men. It just blew my mind. I wasn't used to that. The loser guys I'd been hanging out with weren't funny at all. And now I was working with Matthew Broderick, Jim Carrey, Ben Stiller and Judd. They were the funniest guys in the world. It was like a dream.
Leslie Mann
43 Likes
Teenage love is something that our generation plays with.. We use love so we can get s.. or so we can be popular. We never think about the good things in a relationship. You can't date a person because you think they are easy or because you wanna get popular. Find that special person who is gonna love you for you not for what you have or what you look like. I'm so fu..ing tired of seeing young couples fall in love, have s.., fight, then break up. Go slow, don't rush. You have you whole life to do those things, trust me. Don't grow up to be like these teenagers on TV who smoke, party, talk back to their parents, & have s.. all the time. Our parents didn't raise us like that maybe some but not all. Just wait.. Love is not something you need to survive or pass school & get a career. Maybe it's fine to have somebody, but on & off with different people almost everyday.. Yeah, I flirt but I don't go around fu..ing people or doing things with them. Your still young, don't let somebody break your heart over NOTHING! It's not the end of the world.. Just focus on school & trying to graduate on time.
Javonna Brown
165 Likes
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