Funny Jokes For Birthday Cards

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Total: 60745 Quotes
 Bob Monkhouse quotes 
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Suggest Revision: My wife was fitted with a coil. For about 18 months I hated it! She used to pick up CB signals.
 
 Sam Ewing quotes 
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Suggest Revision: A man commented to his lunch companion: My wife had a funny dream last night. She dreamed she'd married a millionaire. You're lucky, sighed the companion. My wife dreams that in the daytime.
 
 Milton Jones quotes 
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Suggest Revision: If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that!
 
 Jerry Dennis quotes 
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Suggest Revision: A guy at work went in for a competition and won a trip to China. He's out there now...trying to win a trip back!
 
 Jack Benny quotes 
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Suggest Revision: I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators. I left early.
 
 Rodney Dangerfield quotes 
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Suggest Revision: With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
 
 Emo Philips quotes 
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Suggest Revision: When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.
 
 Monica Piper quotes 
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Suggest Revision: I met this guy who said he loved children, then I found out he was on parole for it.
 
 Wendy Leibman quotes 
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Suggest Revision: My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice. For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father.
 
 Henry Youngman quotes 
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Suggest Revision: So I said, 'Where do you want to go for your anniversary?' She said: 'I want to go somewhere I've never been before.' I said, 'Try the kitchen.'
 
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