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Funny New Year Resolution Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Funny New Year Resolution" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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For my new year's resolution, I promise to stop correcting your terrible spelling and focus more on your horrific grammar.
Unknown
20 Likes
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My excuses for already failing my New Year's resolution are more complicated than the fiscal cliff deal.
Unknown
22 Likes
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My resolution is to decipher the hidden meaning in your resolution.
Unknown
39 Likes
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My New Year's resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year's resolutions.
Unknown
52 Likes
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My resolution is to spend less time working which means you'll have to work more.
Unknown
8 Likes
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My resolution is to spend more time avoiding friends and family.
Unknown
25 Likes
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Sorry that, statistically speaking, you probably won't fulfill your resolution.
Unknown
8 Likes
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My resolution is to get healthier while still destroying myself with alcohol and drugs.
Unknown
21 Likes
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My New Year's resolution is to never tell you what the person looks like who you kissed on New Year's.
Unknown
27 Likes
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I hope one of your New Year's resolutions is to stop tagging me in New Year's photos.
Unknown
39 Likes
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A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one Year and out the other.
Unknown
179 Likes
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Gaining 20 lbs over the holidays makes your New Year's resolution of losing 10 less impressive.
Unknown
8 Likes
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This year my New Year's resolution was to stop saying 'Seacrest out!' after I ejaculate.
Zach Galifianakis
42 Likes
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My New Year's resolution is to stop lying to myself about making lifestyle changes.
Unknown
21 Likes
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This year, I'm just making one New Year's resolution: Stop making resolutions. My only other resolution is to quit breaking my resolutions.
Unknown
23 Likes
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Dear God, my prayer for 2012 is a fat bank account and a thin body. Please don't mix these up like you did this year.
Unknown
241 Likes
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Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now averagewhich means, you have met your New Year's resolution.
Jay Leno
16 Likes
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My New Years resolution list usually starts with the desire to lose between 10 and 3,000 pounds.
Nia Vardalos
4 Likes
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This 2016 my resolution is to complete the resolution of 2015 that I should have completed in 2014.
Anurag Prakash Ray
45 Likes
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It's time to renew that gym membership we're never going to use again.
Unknown
86 Likes
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