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Funny Parent Jokes Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Funny Parent Jokes" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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QUOTES
I couldn't imagine losing a parent. My heart goes out to everyone who has lost a parent, I admire you. I don't know how you do it.
Unknown
0 Likes
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A man commented to his lunch companion: My wife had a funny dream last night. She dreamed she'd married a millionaire. You're lucky, sighed the companion. My wife dreams that in the daytime.
Sam Ewing
2534 Likes
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It was extremely hard going from being a parent of one to a parent of three, because now all these instant decisions have to be made about how you balance out the time and attention between them.
Patricia Richardson
2 Likes
People may think he's not perfect but in my mind he's beyond perfect when you're able to look into his eyes and see the real him. Having his arms wrapped around you because he cares more about you than anything, the way he says I love you and those cute little inside jokes nobody else would understand the way he giggles at your jokes even when they aren't even funny or the way he talks about you to his friends it makes you realize how much he means to you. His flaws make him perfect and when I'm around him I feel like everything's okay again and he's the solution to all my problems.
Unknown
564 Likes
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All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.
Mitch Hedberg
3 Likes
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So I said, 'Where do you want to go for your anniversary?' She said: 'I want to go somewhere I've never been before.' I said, 'Try the kitchen.'
Henry Youngman
167 Likes
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Growing up without a parent or losing a parent at such a young age has to be really tough, I give kids so much credit for staying strong.
Unknown
8 Likes
What do you call a blind German? A not see!
Unknown
133 Likes
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I've been doing the Fonda workout: the Peter Fonda workout. That's where I wake up, take a hit of acid, smoke a joint, and run to my sister's house and ask her for money.
Kevin Meaney
175 Likes
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Hi. Um, my camel called...he wants his toe back!
Unknown
59 Likes
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You look like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Unknown
498 Likes
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I used to like my neighbours, until they put a password on their Wi-Fi.
Unknown
618 Likes
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What do you call a fake noodle??? An impasta.
Unknown
172 Likes
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If the 2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still 2?
Unknown
224 Likes
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How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
Spike Milligan
16 Likes
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Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
Mark Twain
50 Likes
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Sometimes we have to actually say, I think you're really funny, but none of your jokes are going to make it on the air. So just answer my questions. Seriously.
Rob Corddry
11 Likes
What do you call identical boobs? Identitties.
Unknown
110 Likes
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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Groucho Marx
23 Likes
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Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side got cut off? He's all right now.
Unknown
52 Likes
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