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Funny Seinfeld Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Funny Seinfeld" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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My wife is funny. And I dabble in it. So being funny is big around our house. But what's surprised me is my daughter can do an English accent. I don't know how she learned this.
Jerry Seinfeld
6 Likes
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As you can see, the rest of the cast of "Seinfeld" couldn't be here tonight. Apparently, they broke their backs carrying Jerry Seinfeld for eight years.
Jeff Ross
2 Likes
I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.
Jerry Seinfeld
2 Likes
It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
Jerry Seinfeld
68 Likes
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Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.
Jerry Seinfeld
2 Likes
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My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law.
Jerry Seinfeld
28 Likes
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My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law.
Jerry Seinfeld
30 Likes
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I was the best man at the wedding. If I'm the best man, why is she marrying him?
Jerry Seinfeld
94 Likes
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There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, "I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked."
Jerry Seinfeld
19 Likes
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Single quotes
It's funny how a hello is always accompanied with a goodbye. It's funny how good memories can make you cry, it's funny how forever never seems to last, it's funny how much you would lose if you forgot about your past, it's funny how friends can just leave when you're down, it's funny how when you need someone they never are around, it's funny how people change and think they're so much better, it's funny how some many lies are packed into one love letter, it's funny how one night can hold so much regret, it's funny how you can forgive but not forget, it's funny how ironic life turns out to be, but the funniest part of all, is that none of that is funny to me.
Unknown
565 Likes
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The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!
Jerry Seinfeld
2 Likes
There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.
Jerry Seinfeld
0 Likes
You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, See if you can blow this out.
Jerry Seinfeld
2 Likes
He'd never seen Seinfeld, so he didn't know who Puddy was or anything.
Patrick Warburton
0 Likes
I sold my house to Jerry Seinfeld.
Billy Joel
2 Likes
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Make no mistake about why these babies are here - they are here to replace us.
Jerry Seinfeld
1 Likes
People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.
Jerry Seinfeld
0 Likes
The Seinfeld motto: No learning, no hugging.
Julia Louis-Dreyfus
3 Likes
Cry when you get a Golden Globe. Then you can get an Oscar nomination.
Jerry Seinfeld
1 Likes
A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.
Jerry Seinfeld
7 Likes
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