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Funny Twin Quotes

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Total: 7715 Quotes

People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.

1089 up, 987 down

Ellen DeGeneres quotes
Funny quotes

A man commented to his lunch companion: My wife had a funny dream last night. She dreamed she'd married a millionaire. You're lucky, sighed the companion. My wife dreams that in the daytime.

1018 up, 899 down

Sam Ewing quotes
Funny quotes Jokes quotes


The golden rule of work is that the bosses jokes are ALWAYS funny.	849 up, 471 down

Robert Paul quotes
Funny quotes Work quotes

God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.

558 up, 548 down

Garrison Keillor quotes
Funny quotes God quotes

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

846 up, 313 down

Will Rogers quotes
Funny quotes Laughter quotes

It's funny the way most people love the dead. Once you're dead, you're made for life.

415 up, 329 down

Jimi Hendrix quotes
Funny quotes Death quotes

The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds the most discoveries, is not Eureka! (I found it!) but 'That's funny...ï¿½

303 up, 317 down

Issac Asimov quotes
Funny quotes Famous quotes

Funny thing how you first meet the woman that you marry. I first met the wife in a tunnel of love. She was digging it.

299 up, 204 down

Les Dawson quotes
Funny quotes Love quotes

A man's got to take a lot of punishment to write a really funny book.

186 up, 133 down

Ernest Hemingway quotes
Funny quotes Books quotes

Fake news executives are nicer than real news executives, though real news executives are funnier than fake news executives. They dont know theyre being funny.

Stephen Colbert quotes
Funny quotes News quotes

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