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Hilarious Hoe Jokes Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Hilarious Hoe Jokes" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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Congratulations to Charlie Sheen, who's marrying his longtime girlfriend. I have to say...Charlie Sheen has a longtime girlfriend?
Jimmy Kimmel
7 Likes
Jokes quotes
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So you wanna hear a joke, its not funny so you wont laugh, so there are three tomatoes walking down the street mamma tomato pappa tomato and baby tomato, so baby tomato starts lagging behind and pappa tomato gets mad and goes back and squashes baby tomato and says ketchup.
Pulp Fiction
44 Likes
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What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are $1.50 and deer nuts are under a buck.
Anonymous
102 Likes
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An English professor wrote the words, "Woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly. The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing." The women wrote: "Woman: Without her, man is nothing."
Unknown
1496 Likes
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Food, love, career, and mother, the four major guilt groups.
Unknown
32 Likes
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So I'm over there in England, you know, trying to get news about the riots... and all these Brit people are trying to sympathize with me... 'Oh Bill, crime is horrible. Bill, if it's any consolation crime is horrible here, too.' ...Shutup. This is Hobbitown and I am Bilbo Hicks, Okay? This is a land of fairies and elves. You do not have crime like we have crime, but I appreciate you trying to be, you know, Diplomatic. You gotta see English crime. It's hilarious, you don't know if you're reading the front page or the comic section over there. I swear to God. I read an article front page of the paper one day, in England, 'Yesterday, some Hooligans knocked over a dustbin in Shafsbry.' ...Wooooo. 'The hooligans are loose! The hooligans are loose! ...What if they become roughians? I would hate to be a dustbin in Shafsbry tonight. (to the tune of "Behind Blue Eyes" by The Who) No one knows what it's like... to be a dustbin... in Shafsbry... with hooligans...' What the HELL are you talkin' ab
Bill Hicks
19 Likes
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So I'm over there in England, you know, trying to get news about the riots... and all these Brit people are trying to sympathize with me... 'Oh Bill, crime is horrible. Bill, if it's any consolation crime is horrible here, too.' ...Shutup. This is Hobbitown and I am Bilbo Hicks, Okay? This is a land of fairies and elves. You do not have crime like we have crime, but I appreciate you trying to be, you know, Diplomatic. You gotta see English crime. It's hilarious, you don't know if you're reading the front page or the comic section over there. I swear to God. I read an article front page of the paper one day, in England, 'Yesterday, some Hooligans knocked over a dustbin in Shafsbry.' ...Wooooo. 'The hooligans are loose! The hooligans are loose! ...What if they become roughians? I would hate to be a dustbin in Shafsbry tonight. (to the tune of "Behind Blue Eyes" by The Who) No one knows what it's like... to be a dustbin... in Shafsbry... with hooligans...' What the HELL are you talkin' ab
Bill Hicks
18 Likes
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I wish I had never met you. There would be no need to impress you. No need to want you. No need for loving you. No need for crying over you. No need for heartbreaks. No need for pain or tears. No need for forgotten promises. No need for rejected hugs. No need for crying myself to sleep. No need for everything you've done to make me feel like nothing. But then again, I'm glad I met you. Cause you were the one who always asked me if anything was wrong. You were the one who loved me for me. You were the one who care when everyone else didnt. The one who stayed up late to talk about the craziest things. The one who taught me new things. The one who laughed at my bad jokes. The one who did things, just for me.
Unknown
342 Likes
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Truth is your the best friend someone can ask for. It feels like I've known you forever. You've always knew how to cheer me up when I'm down. I'll always remember the times we laughed so hard, we couldnt stop. The memories, the fun, the moments, the laughs, the jokes and all the times we got busted, I'll never forget them. I know we fought and argued sometimes but that only made our friendship stronger. As long as we are living, no matter when or where, if you ever need me just call and I'll be there because you've been there for me. Of all the friends I've ever met, you're the one I won't forget.
Mahmoud El Hallab
2115 Likes
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In high school, there are so many cliques. You're never safe. In between my junior and senior years, I went away to film Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, and I came back ready to do the things with my friends that we always did, but things change. People get older, and there are some inside jokes that you don't know about that have happened. You feel lost for a while, and it's hard to come back from that. Then the friends who have 'replaced' you are territorial. I've experienced that a little bit. There are catty, insecure, and gossipy girls everywhere, but for me, I don't think it's a matter of any of them being genuinely bad at heart. I just think that maybe the different ways in which people are raised make them different and insecure. They point out the bad things in others just to make themselves feel better. It's everywhere.
Blake Lively
14 Likes
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Being on tour together and being constantly with the same few people means we now think the same things are funny, we have inside jokes and stuff. Musically there are bands we all love to listen to: Bloc Party being one of them. There arent many we agree on. Greenday, 311, RHCP rock/funk got me wanting to be in a band in the first place. Disashi comes from a very rock background and hes really into Jimi Hendrix which I think shines through on his guitar solos on ACASC. Our bass player is into a lot of reggae. Travis is all over the place with singing and rapping this is the first album he sings complete songs rather than rapping a little in them. There were tracks where we were like, where do we fit in the rap part? and it didnt feel right to put one in. It wasnt a conscious movement away from rap, we made that decision to suit the songs.
Gym Class Heroes
7 Likes
One night a man and a woman are both at a bar knocking back a few beers. They start talking and come to realize that they're both doctors. After about an hour, the man says to the woman, Hey. How about if we sleep together tonight. No strings attached. It'll just be one night of fun. The woman doctor agrees to it. So they go back to her place and he goes in the bedroom. She goes in the bathroom and starts scrubbing up like she's about to go into the operating room. She scrubs for a good 10 minutes. Finally she goes in the bedroom and they have s.. for an hour or so. Afterwards, the man says to the woman, You're a surgeon, aren't you? Yeah, how did you know? The man says, I could tell by the way you scrubbed up before we started. Oh, that makes sense, says the woman. Youre an anesthesiologist aren't you? Yeah, says the man, a bit surprised. How did you know? The woman answers, Because I didn't feel a thing.
Unknown
341 Likes
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My simplest advice to everyone out there; If hurts, let go. Life is way too short to waste any time at all. Youre only young for so long, and every moment you spend dwelling on the things that only cause you to hurt, is precious time wasted where you could have been out adventuring around, making more memories to look back on. Nobody wants to remember the nights they sat around crying. They look back at the adventures they had while they were young. The good nights, days, whatever. And when you find someone where it feels like the first time every time, dont let that go. Dont give up without a fight. To hell with anybody who makes you feel like youre ordinary. Dont waste your time. And Im not kidding, when you find this person, hold tight and do not ever let them go. It rarely happens. And youll know it, because its when you feel most alive. Its a pretty shitty world, no jokes. But you can be happy if you want to be.
Unknown
308 Likes
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