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Internet Chelsea Handler Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Internet Chelsea Handler" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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QUOTES
Are you there vodka? It's me, Chelsea. Please get me out of jail and I promise I will never drink again. Drink and drive. I will never drink and drive again. I may even start my own group fashioned after MADD, Mothers Against Drunk Driving, but I'll call it AWLTDASH, Alcoholics Who Like to Drink and Stay Home.
Chelsea Handler
36 Likes
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Most men would never tell a girl her Pikachu smells like a crab cake. It's just not done. But they would have no qualms about telling their guy friends. Similarly, if you're a guy and you pull your pants down, and the girl you're with immediately stats text messaging her friends, you have a small pe..s. Are You There Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea
Chelsea Handler
27 Likes
...some of the best s.. I can barely remember.
Chelsea Handler
25 Likes
I love Chelsea Handler.
Lauren Conrad
2 Likes
I'll always be doing stand-up as long as people are still interested in seeing me.
Chelsea Handler
3 Likes
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I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.
Chelsea Handler
31 Likes
I think Chelsea Handler is the funniest woman.
David Alan Grier
1 Likes
Along with the 97 percent of women who can see, I have never been a fan of redheaded men.
Chelsea Handler
21 Likes
Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with some one long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.
Chelsea Handler
24 Likes
Men dont realize that if were sleeping with them on the first date, were probably not interested in seeing them again either.
Chelsea Handler
46 Likes
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It became clear when I got in my car that Persians are only really good for two things. Oil and hummus.
Chelsea Handler
14 Likes
Everyone, calm down. I met with mr. Cent about a potential project. Theres nothing to report yet, ill let you know if there is.
Chelsea Handler
2 Likes
My whole life is reading tabloid magazines. It's really sad, because that's what my show is all about, what is going on with celebrities. So I have to know everything.
Chelsea Handler
0 Likes
I had to feign interest in all this nonsense until I could ask when I could come over and sit on his face. I didn't say that out loud, of course. I never say the things I really want to. If I did, I'd have no friends.
Chelsea Handler
30 Likes
The show is a behind-the-scenes look at what happens at our office when the cameras are off...A perfect platform for people who have no business being on camera.
Chelsea Handler
10 Likes
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Ivory's the kind of girl who gets drunk and immediately starts slurring. I have a lot of friends like that, and I think it's because it makes me look 'more together.
Chelsea Handler
12 Likes
Lydia was the kind of friend whom people referred to as a 'party favor' -- always fun to be around but she doesn't have any patience for suffering unless it's her own.
Chelsea Handler
5 Likes
Why he would agree to install an eight-by-eight-foot fish tank and then not fill it with a single dolphin made me want to burn his eyebrows off.
Chelsea Handler
15 Likes
Paris Hilton is going on a goodwill mission to Rwanda. Its the first time an entire Third World country will have to get immunizations for a visitor.
Chelsea Handler
24 Likes
He laid into me with the same gusto as a right-wing political pundit on the O'Reilly Factor defending President's Bush right to vacation six days out of the week.
Chelsea Handler
7 Likes
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