Jack Laytony Quotes

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Suggest Revision: Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.
 
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Suggest Revision: If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind someone and pinching him is probably a joke that gets old real fast.
 
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Suggest Revision: A funny thing is if you're out hiking and your friend gets bit by a poisonous snake, tell him you're going for help, then go about ten feet and pretend YOU got bit by a snake. Then start an argument about who's going to get help. A lot of guys will start crying. That's why it makes you feel good when you tell them it was just a joke.
 
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Suggest Revision: It's probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you're talking to the president, because what if he tells a funny joke and you laugh so hard you spit the toothpick out and it hits him in the face or something.
 
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Suggest Revision: Instead of a trap door, what about a trap window? The guy looks out it, and if he leans too far, he falls out. Wait. I guess that's like a regular window.
 
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Suggest Revision: Maybe in order to understand mankind we have to look at that word itself. MANKIND. Basically, it's made up of two separate words mank and ind. What do these words mean? It's a mystery and that's why so is mankind.
 
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Suggest Revision: Probably the earliest fly swatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick.
 
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Suggest Revision: If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let'em go, because, man, they're gone.
 
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Suggest Revision: If you were a poor Indian with no weapons, and a bunch of conquistadores came up to you and asked where the gold was, I don't think it would be a good idea to say, 'I swallowed it. So sue me.
 
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Suggest Revision: If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic.
 
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