Jimmy Kimmel Quotes

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 Jimmy Kimmel quotes 
 Jimmy Kimmel quotes 
Suggest Revision: If I could have one super power, it would be the ability to read.
 
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 Jokes quotes 
Suggest Revision: Congratulations to Charlie Sheen, who's marrying his longtime girlfriend. I have to say...Charlie Sheen has a longtime girlfriend?
 
 Jimmy Kimmel quotes 
 Jimmy Kimmel quotes 
Suggest Revision: I don't want to ruin it for you, but at the end, Voldemort kills Harry with a fairly vivious atomic wedgie.
 
 Jimmy Kimmel quotes 
 Jimmy Kimmel quotes 
Suggest Revision: It's funny how all of this has worked out, I wasn't popular in high school, but now every drunken guy in the United States wants to be my pal. They all want to buy me a shot, and pretty soon I'm throwing up.
 
 Jimmy Kimmel quotes 
 Jimmy Kimmel quotes 
Suggest Revision: Did you have trouble at the airport this week? I had to throw away all my make-up. They said it's because of this terrorist plot they foiled over in England. I believe it's an elaborate ruse perpetrated by the big cosmetics industry. Maybe it's not terrorism. Maybe it's Maybelline.
 
 Jimmy Kimmel quotes 
 Jimmy Kimmel quotes 
Suggest Revision: The TSA downgraded the threat level for flights between the U.S. and England from severe to high. So if you're nervous about taking a trip to London, there's no longer a severe chance of exploding, just a high one now.
 
 Jimmy Kimmel quotes 
 Jimmy Kimmel quotes 
Suggest Revision: I don't know if we can call ourselves everyday Joes. I think Supermen is more appropriate. We're just trying to take back the medium we invented!
 
 Jimmy Kimmel quotes 
 Jimmy Kimmel quotes 
Suggest Revision: When I was emceeing Win Ben Stein's Money, I actually fell asleep during the show a few times. I would sit on the safe over to the side and just sort of doze off. But that was probably a combination of the narcolepsy and Ben's voice.
 
 Jimmy Kimmel quotes 
 Jimmy Kimmel quotes 
Suggest Revision: Hurricane Katrina has been particularly hard on President Bush, who was forced to end his vacation two days early. He was supposed to be clearing brush in Texas until Friday. Now he's going to get back to the White House tomorrow. You know, if he doesn't use his vacation days, he loses them, so this is hard on everybody.
 
 Jimmy Kimmel quotes 
 Jimmy Kimmel quotes 
Suggest Revision: The president jumped on a plane to start a five-week vacation. This will be the longest presidential vacation in 36 years. This means President Bush has now been on vacation for 27% of his presidency. That means the country could be 27% more screwed up than it already is.
 
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Quotes by Jimmy Kimmel
quotes by Jimmy Kimmel
Sunday, May 26
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