Robert Schimmel Quotes

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 Robert Schimmel quotes 
Suggest Revision: They do sell a lot of weird things in sex shops. They have this stuff called Mr. Big Cream. It says, 'Rub it on your dick and your dick gets bigger.' Great. Wouldnt your hands get bigger too?
 
 Robert Schimmel quotes 
Suggest Revision: What do you say when your friends come to visit and the dog starts humping their leg. Well, if its a pit bull, you say, 'You better let him finish.'
 
 Robert Schimmel quotes 
Suggest Revision: My mom told me when I was younger that when you jack off all of your dead relatives are watching. But then I figured who were they going to tell.
 
 Robert Schimmel quotes 
Suggest Revision: A lot of weird ads. Sally Struthers with that little kid: 'Just 55 cents, the price of a cup of coffee, feeds this kid and his family for a week.' Yeah, where is that? 'Cause I wanna move there.
 
 Robert Schimmel quotes 
Suggest Revision: You know what's weird about plane crashes is that you watch it on the news and they say the people have to be identified by their dental records. 'Cause if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
 
 Robert Schimmel quotes 
Suggest Revision: I went to rent a car, and the guy goes, 'Do you want the extra insurance?' I said, 'Why...am I gonna get into an extra accident?'
 
 Robert Schimmel quotes 
Suggest Revision: I took my kid to the circus. 'How do they teach a bear how to ride a bike?' 'It's easy, honey, they nail his feet to the pedals, and they beat the crap out of him. He's not riding; he's running. He just happens to be attached to the bike.'
 
 Robert Schimmel quotes 
Suggest Revision: I flew out here on Southwest Airlines. Southwest has a plane that's painted like Shamu the whale from Sea World. Yeah, that'll be easy to find if that went down in the ocean. That'll be nice, when you're trying to get out and a real whale's humping your window.
 
 Robert Schimmel quotes 
Suggest Revision: If you get a ticket, you can go to traffic school, and they make you watch movies for like eight hours: head-on collisions, mannequins flying out the windshield. At the end of the movie, the instructor goes, 'Now what have we learned by this?' Never let a mannequin drive your car.
 
 Robert Schimmel quotes 
Suggest Revision: When it comes to my wife and blowjobs, my dicks in the Witness Protection Program. 'Dick? I dont know nobody named Dick.'
 
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Quotes by Robert Schimmel
quotes by Robert Schimmel
Tuesday, June 18
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