Stephen Colbert Quotes

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Total: 35 Quotes

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

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I know there are some polls out there saying this man has a 32% approval rating. But guys like us, we don't pay attention to the polls. We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in "reality." And reality has a well-known liberal bias.

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Even the weather page is in a state of moral decay. Whats wrong with red, white and blue, USA Today? This rainbow weather map is just another example of the homometerological agenda.

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Here's how it works: the president makes decisions. He's the decider. The press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down. Make, announce, type. Just put 'em through a spell check and go home.

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Fake news executives are nicer than real news executives, though real news executives are funnier than fake news executives. They dont know theyre being funny.

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As God said to Job, Checkmate

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I can't prove it, but I can say it.

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Now we all know that Fidel Castro dressed up like Marilyn Monroe and gave JFK a case of syphilis so bad it eventually blew out the back of his head.

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I don't trust books. They're all fact and no heart.

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New Updates! (5/22/2013) We've been working really hard on completing our new design and adding more member features. Once this is complete in the coming weeks there will be a lot more quotes by Stephen Colbert and other authors. We've also changed the sorting on the site so you now see the latest Stephen Colbert quotes first. Our goal is to have the best Stephen Colbert quotes on the web!

Featured Quote: "Be careful who you trust, the devil was once an angel."

added by: Zaira_Swan

Quotes by Stephen Colbert

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Wednesday, May 22

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