Tommy Tiernan Quotes

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Total: 262 Quotes
 Tommy Cooper quotes 
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Suggest Revision: So a man jumps into a taxi and says King Arthur's close and the taxi driver says, don't worry we'll lose him at the next lights.
 
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Suggest Revision: A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'
 
 Tommy Cooper quotes 
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Suggest Revision: I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'
 
 Tommy Cooper quotes 
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Suggest Revision: So he said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.' I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books.'
 
 Tommy Cooper quotes 
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Suggest Revision: Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
 
 Tommy Cooper quotes 
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Suggest Revision: I slept like a log last night. I woke up in the fireplace.
 
 Tommy Cooper quotes 
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Suggest Revision: I had a dream last night, I was eating a ten pound marshmallow. I woke up this morning and the pillow was gone.
 
 Tommy Cooper quotes 
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Suggest Revision: You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.
 
 Tommy Cooper quotes 
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Suggest Revision: Cos it's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'Aaaaaagghhh!!' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
 
 Tommy Lasorda quotes 
 Success quotes 
Suggest Revision: About the only problem with success is that it does not teach you how to deal with failure.
 
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