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Ur Mom Jokes Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Ur Mom Jokes" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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QUOTES
I like to put things back where I got them from when I am done using them...so I dropped your mom off at the bar.
Unknown
232 Likes
Funny Facebook Status quotes
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My friend Myron tells me, 'Last year on Mother's Day the whole family got together for a big dinner and afterward, when Mom started to clean up, I said to her, 'Don't bother with those dishes, Mom. Today is Mother's Day, you can always do them tomorrow.'
Joey Adams
47 Likes
Mothers Day quotes
Jokes quotes
When I was a boy, my mom wore a mood ring. When she was in a good mood it turned blue. In a bad mood, it left a big red mark on my forehead. Happy Mother's Day!
Jeff Shaw
131 Likes
Mothers Day quotes
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Your mama so fat, I took a picture with her last christmas and it's still printing.
Unknown
83 Likes
Mom quotes
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I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.
Phyllis Diller
37 Likes
Funny quotes
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My mom was a little weird. When I was little she would make chocolate frosting. And she'd let me lick the beaters. And then she'd turn them off.
Marty Cohen
25 Likes
Mothers Day quotes
Jokes quotes
My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice. For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father.
Wendy Leibman
111 Likes
Funny quotes
Jokes quotes
I was watching TV one day, and it was just like some commercial with a kid my age, and I was like, 'Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!' and she came running in, and I was like, 'I wanna do that! I wanna be on TV!'
Victoria Justice
8 Likes
Jokes are better than war. Even the most aggressive jokes are better than the least aggressive wars. Even the longest jokes are better than the shortest wars.
George Mikes
11 Likes
Jokes quotes
Aggressive quotes
It wasn't until I became more confident with myself and I put myself forward instead of the jokes; at first it was put the jokes out there and I'm just behind the jokes.
Wanda Sykes
0 Likes
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MOM turned upside down spells WOW! Mom you were the best!
Rick Sutter
6 Likes
Mothers Day quotes
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White parents use time out. My mom used a different type of time out. She'd be like, 'There...take time out to pick up your teeth.'
Martin Lawrence
77 Likes
Funny quotes
Parenting quotes
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Mom: Your great aunt just passed away. LOL Me: Why is that funny? Mom: It's not funny David! What do you mean? Me: Mom lol means laughing out loud! Mom: Oh my goodness! I sent that to everyone I thought it meant lots of love. I have to call everyone back oh God.
Unknown
800 Likes
Funny Facebook Status quotes
Long quotes
Everyone checks out my mom. My mom's hot.
Ashley Scott
26 Likes
First Time Mom quotes
My mom and I were in New York for the summer and I modeled for Ford. One time, I would not stop talking at the photo shoot so someone there said to my mom 'I think you have her in front of the wrong camera. You should go meet these people'. My mom had no idea what she was getting into and I got my first commercial.
Taylor Momsen
10 Likes
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Jokes are better than war. Even the most aggressive jokes are better than the least aggressive wars. Even the longest jokes are better than the shortest wars.
George Mikes
1 Likes
I want to be a loving mom. I want to be a mom who listens. I want to be a cool mom. I just want to have a great relationship with my child and have a great family dynamic.
Tori Spelling
2 Likes
My mom thinks WTF means wow that's fantastic...Today I texted her: Mom I got an A on my English test...my Mom said: WTF see you at dinner.
Unknown
750 Likes
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Always laugh heartily at the jokes your boss tells, it maybe a loyalty test.
Unknown
18 Likes
Jokes quotes
A serious and good philosophical work could be written consisting entirely of jokes.
Ludwig Wittgenstein
28 Likes
Jokes quotes
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