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Dark Quotes About Humor

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38 Dark quotes tagged with Humor.

QUOTES

James Gandolfini's heart attack at age 51 has inspired me to get in better shape after I finish rewatching all six seasons of The Sopranos.

81 Likes

Facebook Status quotes

Funny Facebook Status quotes

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What's the difference between Justin Bieber and an abortion? I'd pay to see an abortion.

78 Likes

Celebrity quotes

Aiming a gun at your head and pulling the trigger. Mind = Blown

3 Likes

Upgrade to the better health insurance plan in case your suicide attempt doesn't go so well.

9 Likes

The difference between death and taxes is death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets.

35 Likes

Property Tax quotes

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When I die, will someone please go to my funeral dressed like the Grim Reaper? You don't say anything, just stand there...

When I die, will someone please go to my funeral dressed like the Grim Reaper? You don't say anything, just stand there...

162 Likes

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

52 Likes

Smart Alec quotes

You know the oxygen masks on airplanes ? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.

21 Likes

Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.

10 Likes

If rabbits feet are so lucky, what happened to the rabbit?

23 Likes

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In an atomic war, all men will be cremated equal.

9 Likes

When I die, I hope to go to Heaven, whatever the Hell that is.

8 Likes

I'd insult you, but you're not bright enough to notice.

9 Likes

Life is a bi..., then you marry one.

9 Likes

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!' ...until you can find a rock.

1 Likes

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I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.

10 Likes

We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

11 Likes

HEALTH: The slowest possible rate of dying.

5 Likes

Schizophrenia beats being alone.

8 Likes

My parents put us to sleep by tossing us up in the air. Of course, you have to have low ceilings for this method to work.

9 Likes

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