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Woody Allen Funny Quotes
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36 entries tagged Funny quotes by Woody Allen.
Last updated Apr 2024
Woody Allen Topics
Chess
Happiness
Achievement
Immortality
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Food
Failure
Luck
Cheating
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America And Americans
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Innovation
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QUOTES
I am an only child. I have one sister.
Woody Allen
28 Likes
Funny quotes
Dysfunctional Family quotes
Sponsored Links
I don't know the question, but s.. is definitely the answer.
Woody Allen
95 Likes
Funny quotes
Sex quotes
Humor quotes
I believe there is something out there watching over us. Unfortunately, it's the government.
Woody Allen
17 Likes
Funny quotes
God quotes
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
Woody Allen
5 Likes
Funny quotes
God quotes
If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.
Woody Allen
7 Likes
Funny quotes
God quotes
Sponsored Links
I wish I could think of a positive point to leave you with. Will you take two negative points?
Woody Allen
8 Likes
Funny quotes
Happy quotes
I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.
Woody Allen
6 Likes
Love quotes
Funny quotes
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better . . . while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.
Woody Allen
13 Likes
Funny quotes
Sleep quotes
The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
Woody Allen
21 Likes
Christian quotes
Funny quotes
Sleep quotes
I took the speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
Woody Allen
13 Likes
Funny quotes
School quotes
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S.. without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.
Woody Allen
9 Likes
Funny quotes
Relationship quotes
Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have you declared legally insane in order to gain control of your estate.
Woody Allen
8 Likes
Funny quotes
Money quotes
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Woody Allen
6 Likes
Funny quotes
Money quotes
My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.
Woody Allen
25 Likes
Funny quotes
Teacher quotes
Don't knock mastur...... - it's s.. with someone I love
Woody Allen
21 Likes
Sex quotes
Funny quotes
Sponsored Links
Remember, if you smoke after s.. you're doing it too fast.
Woody Allen
44 Likes
Sex quotes
Funny quotes
Smoking quotes
If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job
Woody Allen
1 Likes
Funny quotes
Movies quotes
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
Woody Allen
7 Likes
Funny quotes
Achievement quotes
Immortality quotes
Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.
Woody Allen
10 Likes
Food quotes
Funny quotes
Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.
Woody Allen
99 Likes
Food quotes
Funny quotes
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