Can you check my pulse? I dont think I'm alive. This war has eaten me inside out. I dont even think I can do this anymore. They all said theyd be there if I needed... But, there the ones who have left me broken. Mommy, you promised that youd be there and understand and not judge but I try to talk but I just cant you seem to think its crazy. Daddy, you seemed to really care & understand, but your the one who hurts me the most, no daddy, you DONT understand... I need your love bc I'm looking for love in older men. I'm lonley I'm scarred and I have nowhere to go. Please dont yell at me daddy, please stop hating me... Mommy please dont act like I have some kind of disease. Please dont hate me. Friends please notice that I'm dying. Ex please hear how much your hurting me & how much I still love you. Bestfriend please notice that your not even acknowldging me anymore plz notice that all you care about is your bf. Baby girl, please see that I love you & your leaving is going to kill me. Boyfriend, please realize I just need you to pull me in and tell me its going to be okay, NOT change the subject and act like I'm alright. God, please hear my prayers. Because I'm not even sure I'm alive. I do my best not to cry all day. I come home just to pain and brokenness. Everywhere I go is hell. I need to get lost in something good but I'm lost in something terrible. I'm lost in hell and I'm not sure I can make it out. Save me because I have a beautiful blade that would make nice artwork. I have an amzing rope that could make me perfectly dead. I have something that everyone could learn from... you CANT treat depression you cant save people from it. Ive been depressed my whole life, honestly I dont remember EVER being over all a happy person, I remember having happy moments, but thats all. I dont thnk you understand how much I hurt, how eating just kills me. How I punch the mirror. How I sit alone in my closet how I cry I the shower. How I get panic attacks. But, over all, I dont thnk you know how many times I think about death in a day...