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Every speaker has a mouth; An arrangement rather neat. Sometimes it's filled with wisdom. Sometimes it's filled with feet.
Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as time-released success.
Do your kids a favor - don't have any.
Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?
A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in.
A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.
To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do? Turn out the lights!
Happiness is a very small desk and a very big wastebasket
In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative; fight, flee - or laugh.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down.
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