Get in Touch
Browse our latest quotes
Categorized list of quote topics
Alphabetical list of influential authors
Custom and user added quotes with pictures
Girl: Hey, I love your dog. Guy: Hey, want to come back to my apartment and pet my schnauzer? Girl: Okay. Guy: And then we can play with this dog.
Stan: (With gun, searching the house) Osama, is that you? (Hears noise, fires gun) Roger: Geez, Stan, what gives? Holy Toledo, you killed your son's dog! And don't ask me to bring him back with that E.T. finger thing because that's a giant load of crap.
Stan: (Picks up telephone) This is Stan Smith. Principal Lewis: Mr. Smith, I'm afraid there's a problem with your son. Stan: Oh, God, he's gay. This is it. This is the gay call. I've been ready for this for years. (Starts chugging down pills) Principal Lewis: Uhh, no. It's just that he's gone mad with power. He evacuated the entire school and barricaded himself in my office. Stan: I see. (Foam starts coming out of his mouth) Henry, antidote!
Steve: Bobby, get over here, I want my Shazzam shirt dry cleaned and pressed by third period. Oh, and another thing, all periods will now be called Steves. (Shift to a classroom scene) Boy #1: (To another boy) Hey, I'm thinking of cutting third Steve, you in? Boy #2: Yeah, as long as I'm back by fourth Steve. Teacher: (To class) So, if it's a statement, it should always be followed by a Steve. Girl: Mr. Phillips, may I be excused? I'm having my Steve.
Hayley: Oh my God. Dad, why is Hilary Duff in our house? Stan: Hilary is here of her own free will because she wants to have dinner with Steve. Steve: Hilary, could you pass the salt? Stan: (Holding gun to her head) Pass him the salt.
Hayley: (To Stan) You know, Steve's dog would still be alive if you right-wing lunatics would agree to gun control. Stan: You know what I have to say to that? (Pause) Ah, I thought I was gonna fart.
By the way, Haley, oh my God, these Chocodiles, these Chocodiles Haley, oh my God, these Chocodiles, oh my God! -Roger
Principal Lewis: Smith! What's the meaning of this?! Steve: Principal Lewis, I am taking your office. Pursuant to Pearl Bailey High Statuete 39-F, quote, "The Student Body President can acquisition any room on school premesis for the purpose of conducting school business." Principal Lewis: You can read! The school system works! (Dejectedly) I'll be back for my stuff.
Steve: This is it. I have absolute power. (Over intercom) Doris, could you please send in our high school mascot? (Man dressed in a buffalo costume comes in) Welcome, buffalo. As you must've heard, I have been elected student body President. As such, I can do anything I want... and I want to ride the buffalo! (Steve jumps on mascot's back) Woo hoo hoo!! Buffalo: MOOOO!!!! (Destroys everything in the office) Steve: Yes, yes! I'm riding the buffalo! (Buffalo falls, Steve gets off, Doris comes in) Now, send in the lunch lady.
Stan: Hilary, look out for the mines! (Explosion) What did I just say? You heard me. What did I just say? Steve: You said, "Look out for the mines." Stan: I said, "Look out for the mines."
God, please watch over the soul of this dead dog and carry him up to heaven... because he sure as hell can't walk... he's dead. Amen. -Stan
Our goal is to help you by delivering amazing quotes to bring inspiration, personal growth, love and happiness to your everyday life.
© 2021 SearchQuotes™