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Here's to drinking enough that we'll need Ryan Seacrest to help us count backwards from ten.
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Gaining 20 lbs over the holidays makes your New Year's resolution of losing 10 less impressive.
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Sorry you're finally mature enough to just want a quiet evening with friends on New Year's Eve.
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Wishing you even a minuscule percentage of the wealth and attention that will be showered upon the Kardashian fetus in 2013.
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My resolution is to get healthier while still destroying myself with alcohol and drugs.
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