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I'm a hero with coward's legs.
I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe's singing until somebody told me that it wasn't a joke.
I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
I can speak Esperanto like a native.
For ten years Caesar ruled with an iron hand. Then with a wooden foot, and finally with a piece of string.
Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
It was a perfect marriage. She didn't want to and he couldn't.
Money can't buy friends but it can get you a better class of enemy
Being A Woman
Being Hurt By Someone You Love
Leave Me Alone
Listen To Your Heart
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