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I'm about as bright on Community as I was in school.
My favorite food is eggs. I like 'em over easy on a muffin with a little ham. I can have four of those every morning. I eat more eggs than anyone I know. How can you not love eggs? It's our birthright.
Love is huge. But if you're talking about men and women, it's got to start with the most initial obvious attraction that warthogs go through. Look at that ass! That's what keeps the world spinning. There's your God.
The best advice I can give you about falling is to never land.
My father was the funniest guy I ever met. I'm not sure if I stole his stuff or if I inherited it.
Marge is a terrible name for a mistress.
You could knock my teeth out and break my nose and there'd be something funny about it to me.
I guess I look so straight and normal nobody expects me to pick my nose and fall.
Once I got married and had kids, I moved away from romantic roles, because it seemed wrong to have my three-year-old wondering why Daddy was kissing someone else.
You may have read that I went to M.I.T. In 1982 I filled out a Who's Who survey with joking responses, and they never bothered to check the facts.
With Clinton, there's no question that I would have made fun of his out-and-out lying. But he's also a good friend.
We never could have performed live for an hour and a half every week if we were doing drugs.
They can't make any of these talented young actors Fletch. You might as well make a movie called Chevy Chase.
I Dont Give A Fuck
Pick Up Lines
Two Faced People
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