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I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.
I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.
I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said 'No.'
I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!
I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.
I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.
I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I really want to do is French-kiss her.
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
50 Year Old Birthday
I Love You
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