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I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
Anyone who has been to an English public school will always feel comparatively at home in prison.
When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that's a few steps ahead is the one that's mad.
Sometimes, when I'm feeling down because nothing seems to be going right, I like to take a home pregnancy test. Then I can say, 'Hey, at least I'm not pregnant.'
I'm all for women who get plastic surgery. Because plastic surgery allows you to make your outer appearance resemble your inner appearance -- fake
I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.
If you had to eat another human to survive, do you think they'd taste like their ethnic background?
If no meant no then every man would die a virgin.
My act is very educational. I heard a man leaving the other night saying, Well that taught me a lesson.
In Los Angeles they don't throw out their garbage away. They make it into television shows.
Until I was thirteen I thought my name was Shutup.
If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of the stuff?
The nice thing about being a celebrity is that if you bore people they think it's their fault.
Being Cheated On
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