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I'm terrified of men these days. If someone asked me out now, I don't know what I'd say, how I'd react. But I couldn't go through with it, not at all. I suppose I've been terrified of them all along.
I won't say I didn't like it at the time, the sex, that is, because I wouldn't have let him do it at all if that had been the case.
I went out every single night so I was never alone with my stepfather. At 12, I stopped going on holiday with them. The times I was alone with him I always made sure I was all covered up.
I took on the sins of everybody, of a generation, really.
I never found anyone who was good enough, who I could trust enough.
I have survived and possibly I should not hope for more than that.
I have always been free with my love - it is my nature. I am easily captivated by men and they have always been attracted to me.
I enjoyed sex and indulged in it when I fancied the men.
I don't know if he was the fourth man or the fifth, but he was certainly in the top 10.
However I dress it up, I was a spy and I am not proud of it.
He's 85 and he's met another woman. Still, at 85, why ever not?
He had a way with him. Before you had a chance to say no, he was there and done. That only happened to me once before, with a duke, who literally swept me off my feet, and before I knew what was happening, we'd done it. Another terrible mistake.
Even a criminal has the right to a new life, but they made sure I did not have that. They just didn't stop calling me a prostitute for ever and ever and ever and ever.
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