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I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.
And my parents finally realise that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: they rent out my room.
Until I was 13, I thought my name was 'Shut Up.'
My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
My Father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic.
My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a bi....
Mum comes in and says 'I'm working out,' and she'll just be standing there naked doing a dance.
When I was born ... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father ... I'm very sorry. We did everything we could ... but he pulled through.
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar - I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty-one.
Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.
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