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I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I really want to do is French-kiss her.
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
I am two with nature.
His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.
Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.
Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.
My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker.
The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.
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