Get in Touch
Browse our latest quotes
Categorized list of quote topics
Alphabetical list of influential authors
Custom and user added quotes with pictures
I go 'what is it?' And she goes 'we're going on a shark feeding frenzy!' Okay, wait... we're in a boat looking down in the water? 'No, that's the best part! We're in the water with the sharks!' And I go 'have you lost your mind???'
I called my wife up on the cell phone and said baby you aint gonna believe this, I go, we just hit a deer with the airplane. and there was a silence on the other end of the line followed by...OH MY GOD.! Were you on the ground? I said 'Nope, Santa was making one last run...'
I just hate stupid people. They should have to wear signs that say 'I'm Stupid.' That way you wouldn't rely on them, and you wouldn't ask them for nothing.
I thought 'RV' stood for 'Recreational Vehicle.' No! It stands for 'Ruins Vacations.'
You could take Vicodin, step out of the house, onto a freeway, have a truck hit you, and you'd say 'My Bad!'
Lady, I didn't get up this morning wanting to be a jackass...but you just pushed my jackass button.
I discovered two very important facts that day; Number one: The springs will pull the hair out of your legs, and Number two: the dog doesn't like to bounce.
Welcome to my garage! This is where I go to get away from the honey-do list.
No parents. You have Uncle Jesse, forever in overalls. Then there's Bo and Duke. What do they do? I never saw them working for food or gas money. You can only kill so many possum.
I pulled the boy close to me and said you see that girl, thats my only lil girl. So if you think about huggin or kissin. Remember these words. I aint afraid to go back to prison.
Go 'it wasn't my fault, it was Captain Morgan!' And my wife goes 'Oh, like when Jose Cuervo made you ride the floor buffer?',and I said 'Exactly!'
I've come up with the three things you never want to hear at your kid's parent/teacher conference. Number one: 'You're only responsible for the first $10,000 worth of damage.' Number two: 'We have medication for this.' And number three: 'It was more than an ounce and he was less than a hundred yards from the school.'
My wife and I had an argument last week that was so stupid, that it bears repeating. My wife collects twist ties...welcome to my world.
Funny Facebook Status
Mind Your Own Business
Our goal is to help you by delivering amazing quotes to bring inspiration, personal growth, love and happiness to your everyday life.
© 2020 SearchQuotes™